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Author: mamtanny (page 1 of 5)


Let me tell you something about Inertia,

Inertia can be defined as the tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged.

It is a state that usually creeps in on us particularly when we see a task as daunting, or after we just acquired a huge feat, and trying to get into another task before us.
It is state that keeps one in a state of helplessness and joblessness, particularly when you need to get up and keep moving. Continue reading

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Men, ego and the craving for respect

“The only thing that a man needs is respect”

I hear this popular statement every now and then being used to charge women to be respectful towards their husbands. It is said that the only thing close to the heart of a man, that he needs and craves, is respect. This statement has wreaked a lot of havoc in many homes. It has created a lot of men who have become unapproachable gods their homes, and to the society at large.

This statement has positioned some men and pitted them strategically against their wives. It has made them stiff-necked, and like a panther, prowling quietly seeking for ways to accuse their wives and all women, as being disrespectful. It has created lots of men who have become an opposition on their own path of progress. They will not discuss issues with their wives because they see her input or advise to them as a sign of disrespect. Continue reading

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The mommy wars

We have allowed society to pitch women against one another by tagging the career devoted mother a nonchalant mother who is more career devoted and tagging the family devoted mom a lazy woman who is not career oriented. The media created this form of dichotomy between women which is tagged the mommy wars. A group of family therapists actually wrote a book titled deconstructing the mommy wars : The battle over the best mom, it is a culture of mother blame and women have bought into it tearing each other apart over who is a better and a complete woman and mother rather than unite and talk about issues that affects us all.
Issues like gender roles and the adverse effect it has on good parenting which could later lead to child abuse.
Women who tilt towards career than their family are being looked at like nonchalant  mothers who do not care for the well being of their children. Some stay at home mothers look at them with disdain and find a way to prod them and make them feel guilty. On the other hand stay at home moms are being looked at with so much disregard and disdain for daring not to be career oriented.
This article is focusing  more on the stay at home mom………..
Let me tell you something, every woman is on a journey, and I know that most women who became a stay at home mother never imagined they would find themselves in such a state without a career. However rather than encourage this women, they have become an object of public ridicule. We call them lazy women, we call them jobless, we boo this women and tell them they deserve every form of ill treatment they get in their marriages. The stay at home mom who also just earned her first #5000 also joins the team of people who boo the stay at home non earning mother and looks at her with disdain. This sort of women forget that they once walked  that path of being a stay at home none earning mom. They feel superior now and uses all sorts of derogatory words to describe a stay at home none earning mother.
Do you know how confused some stay at home mothers are?
Do you know some of these women actually shed tears over their state of joblessness?
Do you know that some of them looked for jobs without finding one?
Do you know it is more difficult for a stay at home mother to secure a job, especially in a country such as Nigeria where some companies are looking for quick profit and would rather go for an unmarried lady?
Do you know some stay at home mothers want to even begin a business but they are not able to raise even #5000 to begin that business because they are in a marriage where every penny is being accounted for to their husbands?
Do you know that some of these women were forcefully bullied to quit their jobs because of their husbands and insecurity issues?
Do you know that life happened to some women, they lost their jobs and get so sucked in motherhood that they are trying to find a way to build a career and also balance their devotion to their families?
Do you also know that the decision of a woman to quit her job to stay with her family in order to be family devoted most especially when her kids are still small is her choice and it’s valid?
The list of the journey of a stay at home mother is endless, every woman with her story and her pain, we need to be careful how we call women misfits and lazy because they are stay at home mothers. You do not know how much pain you add to the heart of a woman who is honestly finding her way out of joblessness.
Dear stay at home none earning mom, this too shall pass ok, you will rise above this and find your own niche, it is only a matter of time if you don’t stop striving.
PS: This is not an excerpt from Motherhood and the Society, rather it is an addendum. If you want to read more about this article, and see a bit into my own journey as a stay at home mom,  please get a copy of Motherhood and the Society, chapter 7 speaks deeper about this with my true life experience. You can order your copy from amazon for those in diaspora and you can order here for those in Nigeria
Image credit:  pinterest.com and nytimes.com respectively

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Dear woman, know God by yourself to avoid mental torture and emotional blackmail.

Sometimes last year, I watched a video which went viral. In that video  a church was holding a women only meeting . It was time for questions and a woman stood up and narrated her marital ordeal. She talked about how her husband smokes, gets drunk and exhibited all sorts of destructive attitudes. She said he was also jobless and beats her up at every slightest opportunity.

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Daddy, do you really love your children?

One of the disadvantages of ascribing the role of raising children to the woman in the African society is that it breeds fathers who end up getting emotionally detached from their children. I have seen how men who are involved in parenting their children become so attached and deeply bonded with their kids. Parenting their kids might not necessarily mean them always getting down to the nitty gritty all the time due to the nature of their job or profession, but this category of men make conscious effort to get involved in bonding with their children and they have mapped out a time for bonding with the kids.   Continue reading

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Claustrophobia the devil (The final saga)

I am sorry dear friends for bringing this late contrary to my promise, please come with me and let’s  go on the ride of the final saga lol, you can find the link to part 1 and 2 here respectively HERE and HERE

My most terrifying experience with travelling by flight happened in 2013. I was travelling to Europe with a Lufthansa flight. I was elated because I have heard good things about Luftansa so I was prepared to thoroughly enjoy my flight. On boarding the flight, there were two hefty men at the two different aisle. They were not part of the crew, so I was wondering who they were. I asked around and someone said they were security agent placed inside the plane to ensure security, and “I am like which one is this again?” (what Is this) Well I shrugged it off and sought to enjoy the flight. Continue reading

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Claustrophobia the devil (part 2)

I am sorry I was not able to bring the part two last week as promised, for those who missed the part one here is the link HERE .
The first time I travelled out of the shores of Nigeria was in 2011. I travelled with Arik airline to London and it was simply beautiful. The inside was very posh and even lovelier than their local flight in Nigeria. I felt the ambience immediately I entered the plane, but the tears of my mom at the departure lounge and the sad face of my brother when they bade me farewell made my inside to twist into knots. I felt a wave of melancholy. I struggled to adjust but was so uneasy and on edge at how the flight might be again. I was wondering how I would survive the phobia for a six hours flight.

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Claustrophobia, the devil

Hi, I am Oluwatosin Olajumoke and I am claustrophobic. I hate anything that has to do with being locked up in a space, I hate anything that looks like a clutter. I can’t sleep in a cluttered room, or else I will itch and perspire all through( this has gotten better now because I am a mom and you can’t avoid clutter when you have a toddler). I hate being in any situation that looks like being in a bondage or being in a cage, it simply drives me crazy. Overall I hate having to travel in  a plane. If there is any way I can avoid flying I would. The fact that one enters that huge birdy like looking thing, with it cramped space ( maybe when I have money I could fly first class because of space hahaha, I doubt if that would help anyway) drives me crazy.

My experiences with flying has not been a pleasant one at all. It is almost like claustrophobia goes there to wait for me and torment me hahahaha. Sometimes I would have made up my mind to enjoy the flight and act all chic in the plane, but claustrophobia rears up its ugly head and puts me in a fix.  My first flight was a local flight in Nigeria. I was travelling with my friend from Abuja to Asaba on a visit to her parents home.  My friend knew I was claustrophobic so she had warned me ahead of time. We entered the flight, Arik airline, and I was amazed at its posh and neat interior. But the cramped space was beginning to make me perspire, she told me Tosin no worry abeg na just 30 minutes for us to land in Benin( Tosin don’t worry we would land in Benin in 30minutes)  because there was no direct flight to Asaba, so be calm. The plane took off and I held the hand of the woman that sat beside me, my friend was smiling from where she sat when I looked at her. She told me to calm down, I did but hysteria was at the tip of my tongue. The woman beside me told me to not to worry that with time flying would get better for me. I listened to her, and tried to loosen up my inside, then the pilot went and landed in a very scary way. He landed at a long distance from the tarmac and everyone was jolted and made a sound or the other. Trust me I screamed blood of Jesus and everyone smiled and used me to regain their composure, even though they were also jolted lol.

There was another time, I was flying from Abuja to lagos, and I sat calmly on my own. I had already flown a couple of times after this and I was trying to adjust to flying because I must fly and the situation while in the plane is out of my control, so I had resigned to fate as regards flying. This brother, immediately I saw he was seating beside me I became so uneasy. He had this look on him like he had been flying for ages and like the plane was his home. He greeted me in this loud voice and I knew I was in for it. Now, one way I had learnt to cope with flying was to be quiet, close my eyes, clutch my seat and focus till we landed. But this man would not let me focus, he started a conversation in this loud voice that distracted me from managing the turbulence that hit the plane. He started toasting me and even though he looked suave and cool, I was not interested in having a conversation with him. The turbulence kept on and this oga( man) kept on toasting. He was not concerned about the turbulence, whenever he said something that required an answer from me I looked at him with a pleading eyes that says can’t you leave me alone,  with hysteria at the tip of my tongue and shook my head or nodded. At a point he thought I was deaf until I told him to shut it damn it! Can’t you see I am trying to pilot the plane from here by being focused? He laughed out loud and said then I should be in the cockpit with the  pilot. He pacified and encouraged me. He said why don’t I travel by road instead of putting myself through this torture, told him the roads are also a death trap, they are terrible and most drivers are arrogant and don’t listen to the entreaties of the passengers to drive carefully.  We landed and I breathed a huge sigh of relief, obviously not looking forward to my next flight……………..

I would bring you the continuation of my ordeal with flying and it’s climax next week.

Till then, have a lovely week ahead.

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Dear man why are you ashamed of your wife?

Many a times, I see some men being ashamed of their wives.

They do not want to be seen with her in public, they do not want to be associated with her. The only relation that links their wives to them out there is their name she bears. Once they marry the woman, and she attains the position of a wife, she becomes repulsive to these category of men.

Same woman they were so desperate to marry, becomes transformed to an old cargo in their mind once she becomes their wife. They immediately put her in these box where she’s no longer viewed as attractive. Continue reading

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The Women Haters

This year is going to be a different year for women. I can feel it deep down in me. I said sometimes ago in December 2016 on a video I posted on my Facebook  timeline as regards domestic violence, and how abusers would be exposed in 2017 if they do not desist from their abusive acts. Its happening already. I have been trying to keep my head down a bit, at least till later or end of the month before resuming any form of activism or advocacy, but my timeline is flooded with dehumanized and defaced women. Just yesterday, I saw one posted by a friend, the lady was practically butchered on her neck and left to die by her boyfriend.  I see women who have been battered by their beast of a husband and my heart shatters into pieces.
 Love him or hate him, Emeka Ugwuonye Esq  is doing an awesome job. He has succeeded in getting into the recesses of the “typical Nigerian man’s mind”, and the filth in there, the hatred in there towards women is scary.  I see loads of comments from Nigerian men in the public group, the due process advocate (DPA) justifying domestic violence and how women deserve it. I read comments from wicked men hammering on submission. Men who obviously from their wicked comments have not opened their bibles in ages.
 I am not a prophetess but I know that lots of abusers would be exposed by people or they would expose themselves this year. The more these women haters fight to keep us down, the more we will fight back and win this obvious war the men have declared against women living right and peacefully, either single or married.

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