We have allowed society to pitch women against one another by tagging the career devoted mother a nonchalant mother who is more career devoted and tagging the family devoted mom a lazy woman who is not career oriented. The media created this form of dichotomy between women which is tagged the mommy wars. A group of family therapists actually wrote a book titled deconstructing the mommy wars : The battle over the best mom, it is a culture of mother blame and women have bought into it tearing each other apart over who is a better and a complete woman and mother rather than unite and talk about issues that affects us all.
Issues like gender roles and the adverse effect it has on good parenting which could later lead to child abuse.
Women who tilt towards career than their family are being looked at like nonchalant mothers who do not care for the well being of their children. Some stay at home mothers look at them with disdain and find a way to prod them and make them feel guilty. On the other hand stay at home moms are being looked at with so much disregard and disdain for daring not to be career oriented.
This article is focusing more on the stay at home mom………..
Let me tell you something, every woman is on a journey, and I know that most women who became a stay at home mother never imagined they would find themselves in such a state without a career. However rather than encourage this women, they have become an object of public ridicule. We call them lazy women, we call them jobless, we boo this women and tell them they deserve every form of ill treatment they get in their marriages. The stay at home mom who also just earned her first #5000 also joins the team of people who boo the stay at home non earning mother and looks at her with disdain. This sort of women forget that they once walked that path of being a stay at home none earning mom. They feel superior now and uses all sorts of derogatory words to describe a stay at home none earning mother.
Do you know how confused some stay at home mothers are?
Do you know some of these women actually shed tears over their state of joblessness?
Do you know that some of them looked for jobs without finding one?
Do you know it is more difficult for a stay at home mother to secure a job, especially in a country such as Nigeria where some companies are looking for quick profit and would rather go for an unmarried lady?
Do you know some stay at home mothers want to even begin a business but they are not able to raise even #5000 to begin that business because they are in a marriage where every penny is being accounted for to their husbands?
Do you know that some of these women were forcefully bullied to quit their jobs because of their husbands and insecurity issues?
Do you know that life happened to some women, they lost their jobs and get so sucked in motherhood that they are trying to find a way to build a career and also balance their devotion to their families?
Do you also know that the decision of a woman to quit her job to stay with her family in order to be family devoted most especially when her kids are still small is her choice and it’s valid?
The list of the journey of a stay at home mother is endless, every woman with her story and her pain, we need to be careful how we call women misfits and lazy because they are stay at home mothers. You do not know how much pain you add to the heart of a woman who is honestly finding her way out of joblessness.
Dear stay at home none earning mom, this too shall pass ok, you will rise above this and find your own niche, it is only a matter of time if you don’t stop striving.
PS: This is not an excerpt from Motherhood and the Society, rather it is an addendum. If you want to read more about this article, and see a bit into my own journey as a stay at home mom, please get a copy of Motherhood and the Society, chapter 7 speaks deeper about this with my true life experience. You can order your copy from amazon for those in diaspora and you can order here for those in Nigeria
Image credit: pinterest.com and nytimes.com respectively