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Category: From the bottom of my heart!

A column where authors write out their hearts with no holds barred.

The Culture of Mother Blaming

Adeola sat on the couch, drifting in and out of sleep, trying to stay awake in order to hear Jade when she wakes up. It’s been a hectic day for Adeola, she is on maternity leave for three months and she has not found it easy. The only time she rested was the first three days when she just delivered at the hospital. Ever since she got home, it has been from one work to another. Her mother in law was around for about a month to help nurse the baby. In all fairness to mama she did an awesome job of caring for the baby, which Adeola greatly appreciated. But no one took care of her, she still had to cook, wash, sweep and all…… Continue reading

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Dear woman, know God by yourself to avoid mental torture and emotional blackmail.

Sometimes last year, I watched a video which went viral. In that video  a church was holding a women only meeting . It was time for questions and a woman stood up and narrated her marital ordeal. She talked about how her husband smokes, gets drunk and exhibited all sorts of destructive attitudes. She said he was also jobless and beats her up at every slightest opportunity.

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Daddy, do you really love your children?

One of the disadvantages of ascribing the role of raising children to the woman in the African society is that it breeds fathers who end up getting emotionally detached from their children. I have seen how men who are involved in parenting their children become so attached and deeply bonded with their kids. Parenting their kids might not necessarily mean them always getting down to the nitty gritty all the time due to the nature of their job or profession, but this category of men make conscious effort to get involved in bonding with their children and they have mapped out a time for bonding with the kids.   Continue reading

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I Stand with the Little Boys of Today

We live in a society where the custodians of patriarchy have dominated and oppressed women for too long. Women have been subjugated for ages. There is a war brewing; raging like a volcano at the brink of eruption and the consequence is going to splatter on all and sundry. I am a mother, and I fear for my little boy. The war on gender equality is not new; as a gender equality advocate, I have seen some men fight violently to hold onto their power of dominance. They view feminism as an affront on their manhood and entitlements. An Ogun (god of iron) and Sango (god of thunder) worshiper suddenly becomes a Bible thumping preacher, screaming like prophet Isaiah in the wilderness and condemning every woman to a life of submission and silence –  even at the glaring face of oppression.

Oppression is sweet for a person who has been used to power, hence I do not blame them so much. They were groomed to see women as objects of subjugation, objectifying every woman and expecting  submission from every woman they come in contact with. They get angry at any woman who dares have a voice and a functioning alert brain.

Do not get me wrong, this abhorrence for gender equality is not displayed  by the male gender alone; even females are also custodians of patriarchy. The old matriarchs endorsed patriarchy hook line and sinker. They bore their pains of living a life of subjugation, with heads bowed, waiting for the time when they would be in control and exercise their repressed anger and bitterness as a form of control on the young women coming after them.

They taught their sons never to give way to any woman, nor allow her have a voice where he is. They shut their daughters and daughters-in-law up, when their sons are talking. They treat their sons like kings riddled with every form of entitlement mentality. Yet I do not blame them because habits, believes, imbibed characters and addiction is a difficult cycle to break. The little boys of yesterday, saw yesterday’s fathers live a life of dominance, power and control over women,  hence they followed their footsteps and became a chip of the old block. But enough of the blames on the doorsteps of the old patriarchs and matriarchs!

Our generation has to change the narratives. We have to accept gender equality wholeheartedly and teach our little boys right from when they begin to assimilate their environment that a female is never inferior to them. We have to create a society for our little girls which enables them to view gender equality as a normal way of life, they need not grow up with bitterness, so as not to position them on the path of resentment against the male gender.

As a father who resents the idea of gender equality, are you going to be able to stand tomorrow and watch your daughter being subjugated by a man? Be it at the work place, her marriage or the society in general? Are you going to be able to watch your son in law turn your daughter to a haggard, old shrew due to being left alone with child care, house chores and also a huge chunk of the bills? Isn’t that going to break your heart to pieces? You might not get my drift now nor envisage it  because you are revelling in the dividends of patriarchy and dominance at the moment, but I tell you I have seen father’s go ballistic with anger and pain at how their daughters are being maltreated today, yet they maltreated their wives and other women yesterday.

I am a mother, and I am scared, scared of the society and the venom patriarchy has created in the heart of women. Girls are now being raised to be hard, independent and no nonsense. Majority of women of today have broken out from the chains of subjugation. We are not ready to be cowered by patriarchy anymore. We have found our voices and we are grooming our girls never to lose theirs.

While we train the girls to be hard and independent, we groom the boys to be tolerant, loving and responsible. Are these little boys going to have a life of peace despite the training we are going to give to them? Are they not going to be judged and adjudged for any little mistake by a society which has succeeded in breeding and creating mean matriarchs who views the majority of the male gender as an entitled lots? Are these boys not going to be given black eyes, broken heads and torn lips at any little misunderstanding by our learned kung fu and taekwando trained daughters? Ohhh patriarchy what have you done to our little boys of today whom we are training not to follow your steps? What future of happiness do these little boys have?

Come all and sundry, let us go back to the drawing board, let us create a balanced world. Let us teach our little boys and girls that every gender is equal and should be treated equally. Let us teach them through our ways of life and homely gesticulation that mutual respect is key in this condescending world. Let us raise our little ones to grow up without any form of resentment towards any gender. Only then can we have a balanced world, filled with people of humane hearts who dwell together in peace and harmony.

I am Oluwatosin Olajumoke Arodudu and I stand with the little boys of today.

This article was first published on www.bellanaija.com

 

 

 

 

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CHILD CUSTODY IS NOT A GAME!

Over the years, I have seen vicious battles of custody amongst estranged Nigerian couples and my heart bleeds. I hear how some  men go to schools to warn teachers not to allow his kids mother to come near “his kids” and I marvel.

The other time I read somewhere where a teacher shared how the kids father whom they had only seen a few times  in all the times those kids have been schooling there, came to the school, discovered the wife had come to pick the kids and went back to bring a battalion of mobile police men to block the school gate, he threatened no one would enter to pick their kids just because his wife escaped from the dungeon he kept her for days, the woman was a corporate executive where she worked, she was reduced to an unkempt woman who quickly escaped to pick up her kids at the first chance she had. Continue reading

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Ogbeni(Mr), please go and dwell on the rooftop.

I often hear people blame a woman for not being submissive enough,  hence the reason why her husband beats and abuses her emotionally. In fact for the past few days,  with the recent happenings on domestic violence, the internet has been agog with fallacious conclusions that a woman’s lack of submission leads to her being abused by her husband,  liessssssssssssss from the pit of hell! Continue reading

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Should they have barred you from their home?

To my friends and blog visitors who are not Africans, this post might be a little weird so pardon me, I just need to address this issue to my target audience, Africans, most especially my country people,Nigerians.

It’s high time we begin to call out some of the little foxes that are spoiling the vine of marriages in Nigerian homes, and this post is the first of such, please expect more of this in the nearest future. Continue reading

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Cyber Bullies

It’s amazing the extent of anger some people direct over another person or group of people on the internet.

Honestly I am serious, people they haven’t met, or ever even meet, they carry this amount of anger and emit some vituperation that would leave you reeling. Continue reading

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You are hurting yourself If you are still compromising.

It  took me lots of lessons before I learnt that compromising my believes, values and morals  about some certain things in life in other to make other people comfortable would always back fire and spiral me into unending hurt and bitterness.

I am an empath and I get burdened with people’s  burden and just feel a natural knack to lift it off them.

I could do anything to make people feel better, and I expected everyone to be like this towards me. Continue reading

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Please don’t make us ashamed of being respectful

The other day one of my sisters and I were having a discussion and we were talking about how people made us felt ashamed  when we address them respectfully.  I mean, you would try to be courteous  to a person and they would immediately set you straight on how you shouldn’t call them sister or brother, how it makes them feel old and archaic, that’s even understandable, the one that baffles me most is when some people allude your courtesy towards them and people in general as been sanctimonious and being a two goody shoes. They go as far as saying you are only being two faced and fake. Continue reading

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