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Category: Today’s Woman (page 1 of 2)

Women who have discovered their value, and have broken free from the shackles of tradition.

Inertia

Let me tell you something about Inertia,

Inertia can be defined as the tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged.

It is a state that usually creeps in on us particularly when we see a task as daunting, or after we just acquired a huge feat, and trying to get into another task before us.
It is state that keeps one in a state of helplessness and joblessness, particularly when you need to get up and keep moving. Continue reading

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The mommy wars

We have allowed society to pitch women against one another by tagging the career devoted mother a nonchalant mother who is more career devoted and tagging the family devoted mom a lazy woman who is not career oriented. The media created this form of dichotomy between women which is tagged the mommy wars. A group of family therapists actually wrote a book titled deconstructing the mommy wars : The battle over the best mom, it is a culture of mother blame and women have bought into it tearing each other apart over who is a better and a complete woman and mother rather than unite and talk about issues that affects us all.
Issues like gender roles and the adverse effect it has on good parenting which could later lead to child abuse.
Women who tilt towards career than their family are being looked at like nonchalant  mothers who do not care for the well being of their children. Some stay at home mothers look at them with disdain and find a way to prod them and make them feel guilty. On the other hand stay at home moms are being looked at with so much disregard and disdain for daring not to be career oriented.
This article is focusing  more on the stay at home mom………..
Let me tell you something, every woman is on a journey, and I know that most women who became a stay at home mother never imagined they would find themselves in such a state without a career. However rather than encourage this women, they have become an object of public ridicule. We call them lazy women, we call them jobless, we boo this women and tell them they deserve every form of ill treatment they get in their marriages. The stay at home mom who also just earned her first #5000 also joins the team of people who boo the stay at home non earning mother and looks at her with disdain. This sort of women forget that they once walked  that path of being a stay at home none earning mom. They feel superior now and uses all sorts of derogatory words to describe a stay at home none earning mother.
Do you know how confused some stay at home mothers are?
Do you know some of these women actually shed tears over their state of joblessness?
Do you know that some of them looked for jobs without finding one?
Do you know it is more difficult for a stay at home mother to secure a job, especially in a country such as Nigeria where some companies are looking for quick profit and would rather go for an unmarried lady?
Do you know some stay at home mothers want to even begin a business but they are not able to raise even #5000 to begin that business because they are in a marriage where every penny is being accounted for to their husbands?
Do you know that some of these women were forcefully bullied to quit their jobs because of their husbands and insecurity issues?
Do you know that life happened to some women, they lost their jobs and get so sucked in motherhood that they are trying to find a way to build a career and also balance their devotion to their families?
Do you also know that the decision of a woman to quit her job to stay with her family in order to be family devoted most especially when her kids are still small is her choice and it’s valid?
The list of the journey of a stay at home mother is endless, every woman with her story and her pain, we need to be careful how we call women misfits and lazy because they are stay at home mothers. You do not know how much pain you add to the heart of a woman who is honestly finding her way out of joblessness.
Dear stay at home none earning mom, this too shall pass ok, you will rise above this and find your own niche, it is only a matter of time if you don’t stop striving.
PS: This is not an excerpt from Motherhood and the Society, rather it is an addendum. If you want to read more about this article, and see a bit into my own journey as a stay at home mom,  please get a copy of Motherhood and the Society, chapter 7 speaks deeper about this with my true life experience. You can order your copy from amazon for those in diaspora and you can order here for those in Nigeria
Image credit:  pinterest.com and nytimes.com respectively

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Dear man why are you ashamed of your wife?

Many a times, I see some men being ashamed of their wives.

They do not want to be seen with her in public, they do not want to be associated with her. The only relation that links their wives to them out there is their name she bears. Once they marry the woman, and she attains the position of a wife, she becomes repulsive to these category of men.

Same woman they were so desperate to marry, becomes transformed to an old cargo in their mind once she becomes their wife. They immediately put her in these box where she’s no longer viewed as attractive. Continue reading

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The Women Haters

This year is going to be a different year for women. I can feel it deep down in me. I said sometimes ago in December 2016 on a video I posted on my Facebook  timeline as regards domestic violence, and how abusers would be exposed in 2017 if they do not desist from their abusive acts. Its happening already. I have been trying to keep my head down a bit, at least till later or end of the month before resuming any form of activism or advocacy, but my timeline is flooded with dehumanized and defaced women. Just yesterday, I saw one posted by a friend, the lady was practically butchered on her neck and left to die by her boyfriend.  I see women who have been battered by their beast of a husband and my heart shatters into pieces.
 Love him or hate him, Emeka Ugwuonye Esq  is doing an awesome job. He has succeeded in getting into the recesses of the “typical Nigerian man’s mind”, and the filth in there, the hatred in there towards women is scary.  I see loads of comments from Nigerian men in the public group, the due process advocate (DPA) justifying domestic violence and how women deserve it. I read comments from wicked men hammering on submission. Men who obviously from their wicked comments have not opened their bibles in ages.
 I am not a prophetess but I know that lots of abusers would be exposed by people or they would expose themselves this year. The more these women haters fight to keep us down, the more we will fight back and win this obvious war the men have declared against women living right and peacefully, either single or married.

Continue reading

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Let’s talk about house chores

House shared is a key to a good and healthy marriage.

By house chores we mean a job or a piece of work that is often boring and unpleasant  in the house but needs to be done according to Cambridge English Dictionary.
It includes cleaning the bathroom , cooking, vacuuming/sweeping, washing dishes, laundry etc.
I believe if as a single girl or boy you are expected to do your chores and you did before marriage, doing it with your partner should be your joy. Leaving house chores for your wife alone to do to me shows a sign of irresponsibility. Sharing chores in your own home doesn’t take anything tangible away from anyone. If as a single man, the only reason you want to get married is because you need a woman to hand over all the house chores for, then you need a maid and not a wife.

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Let’s talk about house chores

HOUSE CHORES, WHOSE CALL?

Collins dictionary define house chores as tasks such as cleaning, washing and ironing  that have to be done regularly at home.  Simply put, house chores are routine work we do at home.

Over the years, a lot of argument for and against whose duty it is to handle house chores have been discussed among the millennials. In most developed nations, there seems to be a balance on who handles what.  However, in Africa a lot of ladies born in the 70’s downward believes that house chores is not “Her Job” but “Our job” while those born in the 60’s upward tends to tilt toward the existing tradition of house chores being “her job”. Continue reading

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Let’s talk about house chores

I am Olayinka Fiola   and I hate house chores.

Each time I go to my aunt’s  place I always admire how spic and span her house is, she could open her door for you even in her sleep without fidgeting on how you might assess her, her house is always so neat and orderly that I wonder how she does it.  I later realised that she is able to keep that level of neatness in her home because  she doesn’t have a toddler and a preschooler like me, her children are all grown.

Having to do house chores with toddlers in tow is very hard and  physically consuming, especially if you do it all alone. This has led to the sickness and untimely death of many women. Continue reading

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Let’s talk about house chores

The home is made up of the man, woman and their children(if there is any). The word ‘house chore’  comes from a combination of two separate words (house and chore). Since the home is made up of both sexes, why then do we limit chores to females (girls,ladies, women)?
Every inhabitant of the home is supposed to be responsible for the chores, which must not leave out anyone. Continue reading

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I Stand with the Little Boys of Today

We live in a society where the custodians of patriarchy have dominated and oppressed women for too long. Women have been subjugated for ages. There is a war brewing; raging like a volcano at the brink of eruption and the consequence is going to splatter on all and sundry. I am a mother, and I fear for my little boy. The war on gender equality is not new; as a gender equality advocate, I have seen some men fight violently to hold onto their power of dominance. They view feminism as an affront on their manhood and entitlements. An Ogun (god of iron) and Sango (god of thunder) worshiper suddenly becomes a Bible thumping preacher, screaming like prophet Isaiah in the wilderness and condemning every woman to a life of submission and silence –  even at the glaring face of oppression.

Oppression is sweet for a person who has been used to power, hence I do not blame them so much. They were groomed to see women as objects of subjugation, objectifying every woman and expecting  submission from every woman they come in contact with. They get angry at any woman who dares have a voice and a functioning alert brain.

Do not get me wrong, this abhorrence for gender equality is not displayed  by the male gender alone; even females are also custodians of patriarchy. The old matriarchs endorsed patriarchy hook line and sinker. They bore their pains of living a life of subjugation, with heads bowed, waiting for the time when they would be in control and exercise their repressed anger and bitterness as a form of control on the young women coming after them.

They taught their sons never to give way to any woman, nor allow her have a voice where he is. They shut their daughters and daughters-in-law up, when their sons are talking. They treat their sons like kings riddled with every form of entitlement mentality. Yet I do not blame them because habits, believes, imbibed characters and addiction is a difficult cycle to break. The little boys of yesterday, saw yesterday’s fathers live a life of dominance, power and control over women,  hence they followed their footsteps and became a chip of the old block. But enough of the blames on the doorsteps of the old patriarchs and matriarchs!

Our generation has to change the narratives. We have to accept gender equality wholeheartedly and teach our little boys right from when they begin to assimilate their environment that a female is never inferior to them. We have to create a society for our little girls which enables them to view gender equality as a normal way of life, they need not grow up with bitterness, so as not to position them on the path of resentment against the male gender.

As a father who resents the idea of gender equality, are you going to be able to stand tomorrow and watch your daughter being subjugated by a man? Be it at the work place, her marriage or the society in general? Are you going to be able to watch your son in law turn your daughter to a haggard, old shrew due to being left alone with child care, house chores and also a huge chunk of the bills? Isn’t that going to break your heart to pieces? You might not get my drift now nor envisage it  because you are revelling in the dividends of patriarchy and dominance at the moment, but I tell you I have seen father’s go ballistic with anger and pain at how their daughters are being maltreated today, yet they maltreated their wives and other women yesterday.

I am a mother, and I am scared, scared of the society and the venom patriarchy has created in the heart of women. Girls are now being raised to be hard, independent and no nonsense. Majority of women of today have broken out from the chains of subjugation. We are not ready to be cowered by patriarchy anymore. We have found our voices and we are grooming our girls never to lose theirs.

While we train the girls to be hard and independent, we groom the boys to be tolerant, loving and responsible. Are these little boys going to have a life of peace despite the training we are going to give to them? Are they not going to be judged and adjudged for any little mistake by a society which has succeeded in breeding and creating mean matriarchs who views the majority of the male gender as an entitled lots? Are these boys not going to be given black eyes, broken heads and torn lips at any little misunderstanding by our learned kung fu and taekwando trained daughters? Ohhh patriarchy what have you done to our little boys of today whom we are training not to follow your steps? What future of happiness do these little boys have?

Come all and sundry, let us go back to the drawing board, let us create a balanced world. Let us teach our little boys and girls that every gender is equal and should be treated equally. Let us teach them through our ways of life and homely gesticulation that mutual respect is key in this condescending world. Let us raise our little ones to grow up without any form of resentment towards any gender. Only then can we have a balanced world, filled with people of humane hearts who dwell together in peace and harmony.

I am Oluwatosin Olajumoke Arodudu and I stand with the little boys of today.

This article was first published on www.bellanaija.com

 

 

 

 

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Feminism and Individuality

Feminism, according to google can be defined as the advocacy of women’s right on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

Individuality, according to google can be defined as the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind, especially when strongly marked. Synonyms to individuality are; uniqueness, originality, singularity, particularity,peculiarity, distinctiveness,distinction,separateness. Did you see how beautiful those synonyms are?

Feminism is just what it is, advocacy for women’s right. It must not erode your individuality as a person, if it does that to you, then you are going to be shocked at whom you would become along the line, you might just look in the mirror one day and see a stranger.

Feminism is not “bandwagonism” please draw the line between advocacy and “bandwagonism”. In this era of social media we have virtually become global, and we mostly bump into each other one way or the other.  There are some women I knew before feminism took over the social media, that were never insulting or brash, but these days they can’t make a sentence without it reeking of insults and brashness. Is that really what feminism is all about? Continue reading

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