One of the disadvantages of ascribing the role of raising children to the woman in the African society is that it breeds fathers who end up getting emotionally detached from their children. I have seen how men who are involved in parenting their children become so attached and deeply bonded with their kids. Parenting their kids might not necessarily mean them always getting down to the nitty gritty all the time due to the nature of their job or profession, but this category of men make conscious effort to get involved in bonding with their children and they have mapped out a time for bonding with the kids.  These men understand that they have to make conscious effort to create that bond their children share with their mother on their own part and they work hard to achieve this.  It is such a beautiful sight to behold when you see a man who is emotionally  connected to his children, it just makes your heart swell so big that it wants to burst.

I have also seen fathers who love their children so much that if anything so much as scratches them they get so upset and worried, sometimes they loose control and it is their wives who takes charge of the situation and tell them not to get too worried, and that everything is under control.

I have also seen fathers who cry at their children’s wedding, they cry so bad, even more than their wives as it is usual for mothers to cry at their children’s wedding.  These men cry so deep and you would literally see their heart break into pieces at the thought of letting their children go into another life, away from their sight.  A friend of mine told me of how her father cried so bad at her sister’s wedding in the room, before coming out to join the guest. He cried so much that they were the ones who had to comfort him to take solace in the fact that it’s a day of joy.

However I have also seen some mean fathers who do not care about the happiness of their kids. All they care about is just to provide and that’s it! They are not in any way bonded with their children, no wonder it is very easy for them to gratify their ego at the expense of their children. These set of fathers, once they are not in good terms with their wives, especially in cases of separation and divorce between them and  the mother of their children, then the children will pay for it heavily. Civility becomes totally lost and it becomes a case of dog eat dog. This attitude is most especially exhibited when the children, most especially the daughters wants to get married.

These type of fathers wait like a lion on the prowl, waiting to pounce and tear everyone into shreds on a day that is meant to be a beautiful day for their children. I have heard of a man who separated from his wife and got remarried almost immediately. The woman did not remarry, she just stayed single and lived her life without her children because the husband won custody of the kids in court. She only manages to see the kids in their schools, and once the children became mature, they paid her a visit  from time to time. The time came for one of the daughters to get married and all hell broke loose! The father threatened fire and brimstone that the woman must not attend her daughter’s wedding. They sent emissaries to beg him, and he became adamant. The woman decided to come with some of her relatives on the day of the engagement, and the gate of the venue was locked against her. The man did not allow this woman to be present at her daughter’s wedding. This is just one instance out of many I have heard and actually seen.

How can a father decide to be a kill joy towards his children’s happiness? Are the children responsible for the disagreement and eventual separation between him and their mother? Why can’t your pride  and ego be shelved aside  on a day that means so much to your child sir?

Why must you be begged in order to allow a woman who bore her kids and probably toiled on them attend their wedding?

Even if she didn’t toil on them, is it really your decision to deny her the attendance of her children’s wedding?

Are you God sir?

Why have you turned yourself into a demi god just because of your ego?

What ego are you even displaying sir?

You have been estranged from your ex wife for years and yet you are still this angry and afraid of her happiness. You do not want that woman to smell anything called happiness, you are so afraid and would do anything to rob her of her joy. That is why you wait for such a time like the devil in order to further nail her into the coffin of sadness you have put her into.

The other time a lady was sharing on a platform how she reached out to her father for months, as regards her wedding, and he kept on shifting her wedding date for a whole year, without any hope of him eventually picking a date. His intention was to make her prospective husband tired and weary. He wants him to call off the wedding so he can have the last word and tell the whole world that his ex wife failed at parenting. This was an absentee father who his daughter wanted to bestow the honor of making him present on such a beautiful day, and he messed up big time. He was eventually left out of the ceremony and the day went so beautifully for her without having to seat on edge and watch her parents bicker at each other.

The African society, most especially Nigeria where I come from has really created a lot of mess due to some tradition which has held a lot of people captive. This is why a father would decide to ruin his child’s wedding day just because he knows they would come and beg him and seek his good face in order for him to give his blessings. How can you be begged in order to partake in the day of joy of your children? Is that really the problem dad, or are you afraid of the mess you have created by having a dysfunctional family or a polygamous home? You created the mess dad, and now you are making everyone pay for it, even your innocent children. It’s heart breaking witnessing and hearing about this kind of scenario over and over again, my advice for any child caught in this kind of web, try your best to make sure such a father is present at your day, if all your effort proves abortive, and you begin to loose your joy and get thrown into despair as regards your beautiful day, please go ahead and be happy, so far you have the support of your husband and every other person, please soar, and know that God will not forsake you. Hopefully in the future, when ego and pride becomes a wrinkled face and tired soul and body, scores will settle then. Till then, live your life in peace and don’t allow anyone rob you of your joy.

Have a beautiful week ahead!

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