Insecurity is something that has left lots of lives in a rot. It never breeds anything good, rather it eats deep into the core of the insecure person and their counterparts.
Insecurity has led lots of people to make friends they don’t need for the sake of validation, friends that would end up making their lives miserable, friends that would lead them astray, friends that would soil their dignity with “roforofo”(messy) issues and matters. Friends that would see into their insecurity and prey on it till they are made bare and exposed for the whole world to see. Friends that would act like a shoulder to lean on in time of despair, then turn around to stab them in the back in times of dispute with the insecurity you have shared with them.
Insecurity leads to uncertainty, it makes you so unsure of everything you do, it only sees the disadvantages and faults that could arise from whatever new venture you intend to lay your hands on. Insecurity has made lots of brains filled with wisdom, docile, docile to the point of mediocrity.
Insecurity has made lots of people change their dreams and aspirations, the bondage of pleasing people who don’t actually care about them makes them change the plans God has laid bare before them, they would rather veer towards that which would make the world comfortable with them, they would rather prefer to stay in their comfort zone rather than launch out and conquer territories.
Insecurity has ruined lots of homes, (please allow me digress a bit) insecurity makes a wife hound her husband around town, calling the man incessantly to the points of confusion. Woman why can’t you be secured? Let me tell you a secret, a secure woman is an attractive woman to her husband, I mean a honorable husband. Stop chasing the man around town with calls unless he likes it that way, heard some men love it when you chase them around with incessant calls (is that even healthy for the relationship in the long run)? I believe once you hound a man around town with incessant calls, it reduces the value he places on you, you are at the risk of exposing your insecurity to the whole wide world!
You don’t know the mood the man was in, when you made your interruptive call, then he goes like “this woman is calling again, she would never let me be” You see how you have exposed yourself? Whoever heard him say this has a negative impression about you already, an impression that could open room for various issues in your marriage. Be secured woman, please be secured.
Boredom could make one act insecure at times, then I would suggest you get busy, learn a new skill, further your education, get busy with office work, get involved in your children’s school activity, surf the internet, join various groups on facebook, I mean groups that are inspirational and impactful, I bet you would learn a lot and be very inspired. You won’t have time to chase and monitor your husband around town with incessant calls. I am not saying don’t call your man please, but don’t make it incessant with the motive of monitoring his movement or trying to listen to the background of where he is. He is a grown man, an adult, stop babying him all around by monitoring his movement all about the place. An honorable man becomes accountable to you himself without you having to ask or demand for accountability, singles please note this, are you dating an honorable man?
Insecurity makes a man jealous of his beautiful and delectable wife, instead of being proud of her everywhere and anywhere, insecurity would rather make the man jealous. It would drive him to the point of caging her, or do something to tarnish her beauty in order for him to feel good within himself. “Like a certain somebody told his fiancé he would cripple her with his car during an argument, and that his action would only fast track their wedding plans. Thank God for wisdom, that was the day that lady began to plan her exit strategy from that relationship which was destined for doom”. Or was it when a certain somebody told me while in law school that he would make sure I make amala(it’s a Nigerian meal that involves lots of energy and sweat during preparation) for him with my wig and gown, (the lawyer’s apparel in court) I just knew ok, this is a psychopath, he’s gonna crush me if we eventually get married. Insecurity would make a man stop his wife from working, he feels it has given her wings and made her too confident, he would rather have her seat at home and waste away, hidden and isolated.
I respect men whose wives are shining out there, men who would give up their comfort to improve the lots of their wives, men who are not fazed by the success of their wives, men who are not worried that their wives are in the lime light, men who are not bothered that their wives are earning more than them, who would still carry out all their financial responsibilities despite this fact, God bless you sirs, you shall never lag behind nor be relegated in Jesus name. Whatever you lay your hands on shall continue to prosper. You are the real honorable men and God will continue to enlarge your territories.
Single ladies, please beware of an insecure man I beg you, if you notice this in your relationship, continue to run and never stop running, it’s a dangerous trait, more dangerous in a man because a man’s insecurity is coupled with the physical power he wields. Imagine an insecure man applying brute force to subdue you? Be wise ladies, please run for your life, don’t be desperate, don’t ensnare yourself into a disastrous future. Don’t settle with just any man because you feel insecure amongst your married friends, I am sorry, should you settle with the wrong man, you have only succeeded in doubling your insecurity and shame amongst them. Avoid any married friend that deliberately flaunts their marital status in your face, and tells you, you have not arrived just because you are single. Make use of your unfollow button on facebook very well for your sanity, and to rid yourself of any form of negative and insecure thoughts.
How to conquer insecurity in our day to day lifestyle:
- Be positive, stay positive always.
- Be mindful of the people you share your dreams with, lest they discourage you.
- Speak out your insecure thoughts to your spouse in cases of marital insecurity, discuss and reassure one another.
- Delve into the impossibilities and limitations you have erected in your mind.
- Do away with the mindset of what will people say should you fail, you just strategise and launch out powerfully, the rest will take care of itself.
- Stay away from negativity and negative people, their ways have a way of limiting you and making your dreams boring.
- Be prepared for lots of put downs and let downs, never let it affect you nor color your Imagination negatively.
- Don’t be too critical of yourself, as you criticize and chastise yourself for mistakes made, also remember that thing which you are good at, and draw encouragement and inspiration from it.
These few points of mine should help anyone gradually overcome insecurity, please add yours friends so we can learn together.
Have a nice week ahead and stay secured.
Image credit: Marydemuth.com, Fungerms.com and Gallery4share.com respectively.
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