There is a saying about crossing to the other side of the bridge before judging. You never really understand a position until you wear the shoes.
I am a mom to a boy, soon to be man (don’t mind me he’s just 14 months old but “body is catching me at the thought of him being a man” (I am excited) and I think I am beginning to understand and also don’t understand the love some women have towards their son which in turn breeds animosity towards their son’s wife. I look at my boy at times and I want to cry, I am so committed, so full of indescribable love for this little individual.
Sometimes I want to tie him to my apron strings and stop him from going to creche despite the stress and strain one has to deal with as a mother in “obodo yinbo” ( abroad).
As soon as I drop him in creche and turn back I begin to miss him deeply and I just want to rush back and pick him up.
I am learning to deal with this separation anxiety that has plagued me because of his future, I am teaching myself how to brace up and release him from my apron strings even though it’s hard. I tell myself daily, woman you need to be strong, this guy would become independent and go far away from you, all you can only do then is to pray for him.
The people he smiles at wins my heart immediately and the love in my heart extends to those people without thinking twice, sometimes last week, we were in the train and my son saw a girl of about 12 years, he smiled broadly at her and was seriously blushing and turning his face away to hide in shyness, I told my husband “wo eleyi kekere yii nan toun blush” (look at this little one blushing) I looked at my son and looked at the girl and I immediately got so drawn towards her, and wanted to get to know her better. I am beginning to get a picture of the kind of mom in law I might be, I would love any woman my son brings home as his wife, I am going to love her so much, just as much as I love my son. She is my child because she has taken my son’s heart and I believe she would treasure it well.
I wish some of our mothers out there would love their son’s wife selflessly, it baffles me so much that the two women that are supposed to love each other the most in a man’s life are in most cases at logger heads for years or even all through the entire marital union. I mean I hear some painful stories of mother in law and daughter in law saga and I get deeply pained and wonder why these two most important people in a man’s life can’t dwell in love. Is it that hard? Love is beautiful, it’s pure, it’s binding and keeps us all together so why can’t you live it mommy and daughter? Why can’t you?
Well, before I turn this post to a rant on behalf of my deeply pained sisters all over the world especially Africans who ( in most cases the good ones) are suffering in their marriages which is meant to be a beautiful journey in their lives.
I would love to beseech “Mommy” being the matriarch, the woman who has seen it all, the one who has suffered on her kids, no one can repay you mommy, no one!
I want to appeal and implore you to extend love to your new daughter even if she misbehaves mommy or acts strange and funny, don’t take it too far, forgive and overlook, she is just starting out on the journey, she will get pregnant and go through the rigors of pregnancy and delivery. She will nurse a child, she will suffer the pains and confusion of baby blues, she will begin to breast feed, she will no longer sleep eight straight hours over the night ( that’s even if she can get three straight hours) she will have to back a restless and bawling child in the night, she will not sleep a wink because her child is sick, she would begin to train a child and children, the most difficult part of the journey of parenthood, her life and the whole of her entirety will change because of her child and children. You see why I say no one can repay you mommy?
Your new daughter would then begin to understand your sacrifices, she would begin to understand your journey, she would begin to see what a priceless rare gem you are, if she came with a competitive intention, I bet you if she has her head screwed right she would do an about turn and gravitate towards you more if your love is pure and unadulterated towards her. Keep it open mommy, she’s a child who is just learning to manoeuver her way into this new journey she has just began.
Love never fails, it’s always a winner, extend this love to your son’s wife, do not see her as an outsider, she is a daughter who is loved from the home she was coming from, it’s not easy to leave everything behind and begin a new life and family with a man, it’s a risk she is more than willing to take because of love. Imagine your own little girl who is now a woman also trying to blend into a new family and struggling to walk the rudiment, didn’t your heart skip a bit? It’s hard mommy, and that is why you need to let the love flow from your heart towards the new daughter you have gained through marriage. We would always reap the good deeds we sow, either directly or indirectly.
Welcome her with open arms mom, make sure every member of the family does the same, make her feel safe, she is just a little girl in her heart who is feeling so insecure and overwhelmed at becoming part of a new family, and that’s part of the reason some new wives act funny at the initial stage of the marriage, some times it’s due to nerves and pressures of being overwhelmed with a new beginning and a new life.
Be less judgmental mommy, always show love, you are the mother, she’s not yet a mother, she doesn’t have the full grasp of how maternal instinct runs, so indulge her and you would see the reservations she has which stemmed from the many horrible stories of bad mom in law she has heard and seen melt away
She would love you as much as she loves her mother because you have sown love and you would reap love.
This piece was written to encourage mothers and wives to dwell in love and peace.
Images culled from pinterest.com and quotesgram.com respectively.