My name is Oluwasanmi Akomolafe, wife of K Bobo, mother of three lovely cute boys, and I am Today’s Woman, who knows her worth is not determined by her status, whether single, married, separated or divorced, I am valuable.
I am a woman created for a purpose on earth and on a mission to fulfill it, even in a society that suppresses women and what they stand for.
Our society has taught us that women are the only ones that needed to know how to do house chores so we can be useful in our matrimonial home, forgetting that the men that they refuse to teach are the husbands that will cause problems in the society. We have been conditioned not speak up for ourselves because we are women even when we are being unfairly treated. We have been paid less at our various work places just because we are women despite the fact that we do the same job responsibility as our male colleagues. We have been shamed and shut down even when we report being molested or raped because we are women.
Oh, how happy I am that Today’s Women have broken barriers that have chained us in the prison of slavery for so long. We have come to understand that we deserve more and were not created to just take the back seat. We have realized that we are made to excel and succeed in our chosen fields. We have found our voices and will never give it up for anything.
From a tender age I had made up my mind to value myself more than anyone. I have been termed “selfish” for this, but I believe I cannot give out the values I don’t have. I always tell people that even the bible did not teach us to love our neighbors more than ourselves. I believe if I don’t know how to fully love myself, I cannot understand how
to fully love another human being. So I went on a discovery journey of who I am.
A friend once wrote about a woman she met at a salon who was complaining of how Today’s Women have no patience and are not ready to do what it takes to make their marriages work. This elderly woman narrated how her hubby cheated on her to the extent of bringing girls to their matrimonial home for years while she cried all night. The hubby actually locked the passage to the living room and kitchen so the girls he brought home could have some privacy. She said her hubby changed 2 years to his death and apologized, as if that was a miracle I should be jumping up for. She said she stayed for her kids but now the kids have taken after their dad’s promiscuity and their wives are saying no. This is an example out of many, of what some mother’s went through in the hands of their husbands because they had no voice then and many stopped living. That is not what marriage should be about.
A marriage that does not MAKE you will MAR you. The bible says a wise woman builds her home but did not say a foolish husband should continuously tear it down. I believe two committed adults can work hand in hand to make a marriage work. It is not the work of women alone. To me, marriage is like a bed of garden that needs to be watered, fertilized, and pruned till it blossoms and brings forth good fruits. The sound from a trumpet is determined by what is blown into it. When well taken care of and showered with love, Today’s Women are at their best.
I cannot but appreciate the few men whom their mothers took time to train; those who don’t find cooking as a woman’s job; those who don’t find changing their kids diapers a woman’s job; those who don’t find it hard to appreciate their wives even in little things; those who understand that a woman’s emotional tank needs a daily deposit for her to function well; those who know that the bible says a man that cannot provide for his home is an infidel, and are working day and night to make things happen-you are the real MVP’s and we salute you.
As A Today’s Woman
I am BEAUTIFUL.
I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY created.
I am of great WORTH and VALUE.
I am worth LOVING whether single, married, separated or divorced.
I am the KING’S FAIR DAUGHTER who belongs to the THRONE and not the TRASH.
I am the INESTIMABLE JEWEL in the HEART of the sea-so PRECIOUS.
I am ENOUGH.
I am HIS PRIDE.
I am worth DYING for.
I am worth PROTECTING.
I am PHENOMENAL.
I am Oluwasanmi and I am a Today’s Woman.
Sanmi Akomolafe studied Mass Communication at the Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago iwoye, Ogun State Nigeria and just concluded an Associate Degree in Interior Design in the U. S. she is the CEO of Romans 1015 Shoes-a US based shoe store that carries quality branded name shoes at affordable prices. She is a Senior Mary Kay beauty consultant in the U.S. She loves to sing and dance for fun.You can connect with this awesome woman on her facebook page for the perfect shoe of your choice and also any kind of Mary Kay product you want. She is not just a business woman, she also has a heart of gold, and words of wisdom.
Once upon a time:
I lived each day with the brunt of my gender, made worse by circumstances in which those who birthed me wished I was a male, and by this I couldn’t do anything to make them see that I was more than just a female.
I was to be seen only. Never heard. I had no opinion of significance on any matter.
The only reason a man had my expect was that he was just that – a man.
I had no dreams of any life of good things that didn’t factor the presence of a man in my life.
I wasn’t allowed to have a pin to my name if my surname was still my father’s.
I would bend over backwards to keep a straying man faithful to me. It was solely my duty to make sure he honoured the vows he made to me under God.
The only wholeness I knew of was what which was vested almost solely in being a man’s wife.
If I didn’t stand in my husband’s shadow, then my commitment to him would be under intense scrutiny.
I never imagined it was possible to be happy and fulfilled as a single woman.
I thought dimming my light would make that of my man shine brighter. That he didn’t even have a lit candle was not an issue.
I thought it was heroic to suffer and, in the end, die in silence in a place which ought to have been my safe haven. I honoured an unwritten code of silence that saw to it that the woman I made others believe I was and the woman I actually was never recognized each other.
I’m Today’s Woman, and I won’t apologize:
For living in a day when it’s okay to be true to myself, and to dream daring dreams and to voice out thoughts and defend opinions that, in days gone, would have earned me the stigma of a notorious outcast. Don’t they still do just that anyway?
For refusing to be less confident, less intelligent, and less independent just so you could rethink the narcissistic label you’ve already given me.
For raising daughters, and letting every young girl know, that the new pretty required more than just a face or an hourglass figure. That she’ll always be worth more than just these. She’s worth the lofty thoughts she thinks and the daring dreams she dreams.
For having goals, reaching heights, breaking grounds and doing the impossible.
For being a woman who’s not ashamed to confront any situation that threatens her sanity or her dignity.
For standing up to age-long lies that held her forebears in perpetual mental slavery.
For putting the mother in me ahead of the woman in me.
For being just what a Today’s Man would need in a wife to spur him on to his dreamed greatness.
I am Today’s Woman, and:
I know who I am, and I know what I want.
You’ll either love me or leave me be, but it would do you good to love me because I’m one of the many things the world needs to become a better place.
Contributed by Ejiro Beulah Orseer, a strong and courageous woman, a doctor and a blogger, you can connect with her on her blog to get to know her better. She blogs at Drjairho.wordpress.com
I AM TODAY’S WOMAN
There was a time when I used to question why I was born female. As I grew up, I faced quite a few roadblocks on my way to being a modern woman. My lot was better than most, because I had parents who said, “You can be anything you want to be, except a bird”—(the last part of that sentence was necessary, as I once attempted to fly off a tall fence).
But I don’t question myself anymore. I like who I am, and where I currently am in my life. Educated, getting more education, building a business, aiming for the top and generally doing whatever it is I want to do. I am happy. This should count as a good thing, right?
Wrong. At least for quite a number of people, both men and women. For these people, it is bad enough that I got an education. The idea that I aspire to be more than that, galls them to no end. I often hear things like, “You mean she’s a lawyer? She’ll never submit to her husband. She’s getting her Masters and then a PhD? What for? She should be thinking of marriage. What do you mean, she’s aspiring to be President of Nigeria someday? That young woman must be a joker. She doesn’t do her laundry? What a lazy woman!”
What they don’t know is that these things aren’t disadvantages. Rather, they’re the assets of today’s woman. These things—an education, occupation, a fulfilment of dreams, etc. are things that will make Today’s Woman a happy person. And we know that happy people spread the feeling. A happy and fulfilled woman is a happy and fulfilled daughter, wife, mother, partner, and colleague. What she’s capable of doing and achieving when in that state of being, is immeasurable.
Rather than seeing us as challenges, see us as the assets we are—to our communities and to society. Let her be who she wants to be, do what she wants to do. No more roadblocks, no more obstacles. I encourage the women of today to reach for the heights. Don’t be average. Don’t be mediocre. Aspire to be more. More money, more education, more dreams—more.
Whether you get married or not, whether you have children or not, whether you make millions or not, just make sure that you’re happy. Don’t be ashamed to put yourself first.
As for me, I am smart, intelligent and beautiful. I say this without a shred of unnecessary modesty, because it is who I am. I am Today’s Woman.
Contributed by Eketi Ette Aime, a lawyer and a classy creative writer whose writing would keep you engrossed till you get to the last word. She owns a creative writing school where she teaches budding writers ,writing skills. Registration is presently on going and you can connect with her on her facebook page with her name.
WHO IS A TODAY’S WOMAN?
A today’s woman should not be afraid to launch out and show the world that entirely she’s got. She is a strong woman who has basic and fundamental understanding of all that God has deposited in her. She is bold and self-assured, pushing through odds to achieve great things. A today’s woman is a confident woman. She is not afraid to make mistakes, yet she goes a step further to use her own mess as a message for others. She is that woman who doesn’t put others down with those who seem different to her; rather she understands that everyone has her own place and space. She has a sexual lure about her, doesn’t mean she is promiscuous; she is poised, assertive and classy. A Today’s woman is not threatened by the male gender. She understands that she’s equal to him though different in physical qualities and roles. A today’s woman has been distinctly able to differentiate between religious unbalanced messages and societal and cultural norms, thus not been boxed and manipulated into demeaning messages that curb her into been a blessing to her and the world at large.
A today’s woman should not be subjected to the background. A woman has the qualities to make changes in the environment where she finds herself. A woman prides herself to be intuitive and discerning, hence she can be able to put measures in place to curtail impending dangers. If a woman is allowed the rightful place in the society, given the opportunity to work effectively and explore all the qualities within her, she has great potentials of been the best thing the world has ever experienced.
Today’s woman is constantly growing, relentlessly thriving to be better than she was yesterday. She is constantly on her toes contributing her own quota to humanity, knowing it’s her time and place to stand up and do that she has been called to do. Today’s woman is the best thing the world has ever seen happen, if given the chance and the environment to be all that she has been called to be.
MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT TODAY’S WOMAN
There have been several misconceptions and religious views about the role of women, among which are disagreeing and competing with other groups and denominations in the human race. Each section of the human race, we are faced with its own doctrinal belief and focus of how today’s woman should be shoved to the background and not allowed a word to speak, let alone be who she has been created to be. These beliefs are extreme; right-wing approach to women, twisting the Bible, the Christian’s Holy Book, to mean that a woman should walk ten paces behind her husband, should never talk unless spoken to and also be quiet even in the face of provocation. It has become generally misunderstood for what it now defined feminism by men and women alike. The feminist woman has been seen and perceived to be a block in the pathway of progress of most people especially the male gender, been misunderstood to be bossy, temperamental and saucy. She is termed a bitch because she understands her purpose, has a career and continuously contributes her own quota to the world at large. On the other hand, some accept that a today’s woman is purpose driven woman who chooses to acts in modern ways and has chosen not to be enslaved by culture and tradition. The today’s woman have been reduced outrightly to one who cannot think for herself, a woman who should have no voice and only be given decisions without questioning such- like new born chicks, need everything chewed for her by a husband or father or any male figure, before she can digest it.
In the same vein, the today’s woman has been told it is a mistake to be a woman. In workplaces, she has been told that the male gender is the better gender and told of how a woman is not supposed to given technical assignments and or put on salary increase. With political offices, she is told of how a woman should not be given political roles and entrusted with higher responsibilities. In entertainment, jokes of all kinds have been told throughout the world in an attempt to diminish, disregard and make fun of the female gender. Pop, culture, including television sitcoms, movies and advertisements have made tremendous attempt at viewing women as sex slaves and so it doesn’t matter what a woman achieves, she is only as good as her vagina. In modern day, a woman has been told that it doesn’t matter what she has accomplished or attained, she is as useless as dirt if she is not married.
The contemporary world has also made ‘fantastic’ effort in playing out the woman as the only home builder and it didn’t matter the effort of the man as long as he is got a praying wife. Thus, women have been subjected to the only change agents in their homes, frantically praying for a cheating hubby, a promiscuous man and a man who’s not ready to be responsible in his home and to humanity. Society has misunderstood a woman’s role in the society and her home.
Culture has not helped either as it has completely caged and gripped women in abusive marriages in the bid to keep their homes. Traditions have taught women to think that Marriage is all that she is born to do. Consequently, a woman is made to sacrifice her life, her person, her dreams, her vision and her career at the ‘honorable’ altar of Marriage. Today’s woman has been misunderstood to be rude and curtly when she is strongly opinionated and wouldn’t allow herself to be trampled upon either by religious unbalanced messages or from societal and cultural norms. She is been told to fill her mouth with water and keep it there whenever she has a contrary opinion. That way, she is been believed to be quiet and virtuous. What it does, however, is to create a docile woman who has no voice of her own and who has erected strong walls of fears and depression that are extremely difficult to demolish.
I cannot but mention the misconceptions of today’s woman without pointing out the misunderstanding of the word “submission”. She is been told to only cater for the needs of her immediate family and sometimes extended and kill her dreams if she does have one. She is been told that her only primary role on earth is to bear children and breastfeed her husband, a full grown ass man. She is been told to submit to a man’s instruction regardless of whether she objects to it or not. She is been told to keep her voice and not give opinions. Whilst growing up, she is been trained to be the wife of the home and given all of life’s tutorials on how to be the best wife to a man, who on the other hand is never taught how to be a good man nor educated how be a leader in the truest sense of the word. Need I mention that culture doesn’t teach woman investment techniques or financial literacy? After all, it is believed that her savings is only supposed to take care of her family and she is only required to save ‘just in case’ she has to take care of her kids and herself, thus many women have no financial vision or plan for their life, only thriving to live at status quo.
HOW CAN A TODAY’S WOMAN BUILD HER HOME?
I do believe the possibility on a today’s woman building a good home starts with choosing a man who supports her dream and one who helps her to achieve more. It is important that a woman pays close attention to male friends who declare boldly that their wives would never earn more than them or who think that a woman’s career should only end in the kitchen. Such jokes or statements should not to be taken with a pinch of salt. While been friends, it is paramount women distinguish between men who are threatened by her career space and those who encourage her. It is important to note that regardless of the feelings a woman has for a man, if she eventually gets hooked to one who is threatened by a woman’s career, chances of her career success are extremely slim.
Secondly, a woman needs to pay attention to her man’s domestic needs and strive to meet them. Such include cooking, sex, quality time, gifts, acts of service and every love language her man considers important. Although, I am not an advocate of a woman been the sole burden bearer and singular home keeper of her Marriage, however, there is still need for both parties, to strive to create a balance in attending to each other’s domestic needs.
Three, for a today’s woman to succeed in her home, it is important she is married to somebody who also has a career. Now, I am not talking about a man who has a job, but one who has a focused career path envisioned for his own life, a man who can stand independently with his own well defined purpose. Anyone can lose jobs, but a man with a career path knows what next to do when a job closes out on him. With this in place, they both would be able to contribute and bring something tangible to the table. Otherwise, no matter how much a woman endeavors to balance the home front, she will be become overwhelmed and eventually frustrated. Equally, the man feels threatened because he can nolonger be the man that provides for his house, thus frustrating her efforts too.
That is why there is so much emphasis on Single ladies and whom they choose to get married to. Regardless of the pressures that abound greatly, singles should not allow themselves to be boxed into making wrong choices.
About the Author:
Omobolanle Adeyemo popularly called Omoby by friends and family is a professional Construction Manager and Quantity Surveyor who holds a Masters Degree in Construction Management from Sheffield Hallam University, United Kingdom, having undertaken her Bachelor’s Degree from the Federal University of Technology, Akure, Nigeria, in Quantity Surveying. Omobolanle started her working career with a Lagos-based Quantity Surveying firm and continued with other Prestigious Construction/ Quantity Surveying Firms where she has gained practical experience in Building Construction, Mechanical and Building Services, Civil and Heavy Engineering Projects. Omobolanle is a Probationer member of the Nigerian Institute of Quantity Surveyors (NIQS), a Probationer member of the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors (RICS) and an Incorporate Member of the Chartered Institute of Building (CIOB), both in the United Kingdom. She is presently a Doctorate Student in one of the prestigious Universities in South Africa.
Omoby is a bold young lady that constantly thrives to be the best in all she does and proudly wears the Today’s Woman’s badge. She aspires to be all that she has been created to do regardless societal and cultural limitations every woman faces. She is constantly working on herself to acquire business and industrial skills that would earn her top notch positions in the world’s revolving economy. Omoby has passionate interest in building construction and engineering projects and a parallel passion for counseling and teaching young minds in areas of relationship, career and purpose. Her message boils down on teaching young ladies to maximize their single life whilst waiting for their knight in shining armor. She teaches that Marriage is not all a woman is made to achieve. Omoby is a prolific writer having written several articles in blogs. Omoby is a lover of books and has successfully built her personal library to the number of over a thousand books. She is working on building a library where young minds can be cultured on reading. You can connect with her via her name on facebook.